Bananas, a Drunk Time Lord and Rose
by greenfairy13
Summary: Why Ten really snogged Reinette. Crack! (Rated T for innuendo) TenxRose This is a gift for MadJules. Hun, you're the BEST!


The Doctor wobbles into the room, tie hanging askew around his head. Being the muscular, lanky man he is, he looks as if Rambo and Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory had decided to procreate.

"Whoose!" he slurs happily and props down next to her. The addressed blonde is currently strapped down and about to get sliced into pieces by manic clockwork-droids. So far, it's a pretty usual day in Rose Tyler's life. Of course, the drunk Doctor is a novelty but at least days never tend to get boring.

"I just invented banana-daiquiries!" he exclaims, propping himself up on his elbows. "About a hundred years early but, alas! I always bring my banana to a party. No party without a tasty banana," he says enthusiastically and pauses for a second. And then, all of a sudden he whispers into her ear, "Rose, would you like to taste my banana?" She gulps but stays silent. The Doctor is obviously not in his right mind.

Looking at her expectantly and waggling his eyebrows he points out, "you're tied up, Rose." An utterly filthy grin spreads across his face as he curls his tongue behind his teeth and lowers his mouth to her ear. "Aren't you supposed to wear far less clothes?" Rose shivers and makes a non-committal noise. She has fantasized about getting tied up by the Doctor's adept fingers. It's just, her fantasies don't involve imminent execution – well, most of them.

The inebriated Time Lord frowns in confusion before his addled brain decides to ignore her clothed state. "Mmmmh...all tied up for me, no wandering off that way," he muses and chocolate-brown eyes nearly turned black settle on her heaving chest. He licks his lips and dropping his voice an octave he confesses, "I dreamt about this, Rose. You, all _tied_ up for me and at my mercy." The way his tongue wraps around the word "tied" heats up her cheeks and she blushes crimson.

As he starts tugging at her shirt's hem and ghosting his fingers over her lower abdomen, Mickey decides to clear his throat loudly. "Boss!" he screeches out through gritted teeth, "I'm happy you're finally making a move towards Rose but this bloody droids are gonna _kill_ us!"

"What? What? Mickey!?" Shifting slightly, he notices the young man for the first time. "What are you doing in _my_ fantasy?" he almost shouts in a voice so high-pitched one could think it belonged to a girl.

"Sorry, dude! No sexy dream. It's real. Now, get us outta that shit here!" Mickey snaps back rather impatiently and the time-travelling alien freezes on the spot with a jaw-slacked expression.

The Doctor spins round and in an attempt to sober up he shakes his head furiously. Finally, his superior biology metabolises the alcohol and he realises the gravity of the situation: clockwork-droids are about to kill his one and only Rose Tyler! _Fuck! _

But that's certainly not gonna happen – not today, not _ever_. The sonic-screwdriver buzzes to life and the threat is settled within seconds. "Blimey, my head!" he groans while pocketing the device and starting to untie his precious pink and yellow human.

"Rose, are you alright? Did they hurt you?" His mood has changed from horny to concerned at lightning speed and he examines every inch of her beloved body while Mickey is still being strapped down – almost forgotten.

"Boss?" he asks tentatively.

"Busy!" he retorts while analysing Rose thoroughly with the sonic. He has to be sure she's fine and while he isn't sure, even his impressive brain can't settle on whatever some other human who is decidedly not Rose might want.

"You should probably help Mickey," Rose giggles and looks at him, her teasing tongue caught between her teeth. The Time Lord gulps while his mouth zeroes on the pink tip of her tongue. A rush of bravery sweeps through her body and leaning forward, she decides to give him a quick kiss.

Just as she's about to withdraw, he grabs her hips and pulls her flush towards his body. Opening his mouth eagerly, he deepens the kiss and moans into her mouth. Their tongues stroke against each other in a fight for dominance and she's starting to tug at the strands of his hair. His hands start wandering down her spine, coming dangerously close to her bum. Just as he's about to push his fingers between the fabric of her jeans and her bare skin, Mickey decides to break the mood.

"Guys! You can't be serious!" the still tied-up man shouts, interrupting their first real kiss rather abruptly. Rose pulls away, panting heavily. The Doctor, staring at her with a hooded gaze, is looking likewise flustered.

"I just snogged my Rose!" he declares happily as he turns and finally frees Mickey. The couple bursts into a fit of giggles. "And I have to tell you, Rose Tyler, you taste so much _better _than Madame de Pompadour!" Sticking out his tongue and pulling a face he says, "Never kiss a woman from the 18th century – they know _nothing _about dental hygiene!"

"You did what?!" Rose shouts out appalled.

"I did what?" the Time Lord asks back distractedly.

"You just said you snogged Madame de Pompadour!" Rose informs him, shooting him an infuriated glare.

Scratching his neck awkwardly he frowns in confusion. "Yeah, I just did. Why would I do that for?"

"Because she's sexy and blonde and you're fixated on your banana?" Mickey suggests.

"Not helpful!" the Time Lord snaps back, glaring at the young mechanic. "I feel like someone has stuffed my head with cotton wool. Everything's a bit slurred..." He trails off and starts pacing the room, pulling his hair in desperation. Suddenly, his eyes light up in realisation and he pales. "Did I really say that bit with the banana out loud?!"

"You did," Rose answers and staring at the lost, shuffling man with the mussed-up hair she can't help laughing.

"Oh no!" he groans out abashed.

"It's okay, Doctor," the blonde giggles. "I've heard worse lines. I just can't think of any right now. Come on! Let's make sure history won't collapse."

"Do I have to go back to Reinette?" he pouts. "She calls me "lonely angel" and I'm not really up for more sappy stuff. And my head hurts! And my time-sense...Rose, something is wrong."

"You're not making this up, aren't you?" she asks concerned and he shakes his head solemnly.

"Nope, I swear! Something is affecting my physiology." Smacking his tongue against the back of his mouth, he tries to analyse if unknown chemicals are affecting his body.

"There's something...can't place it yet," the Doctor states finally.

Grabbing his hand Rose starts pulling the unwilling alien along towards the time-windows. "Doctor, let's get over with this. First, we gonna save history and then we'll figure out what happened to you and..." standing up on tip-toes and leaning into him she whispers seductively, "then I'll have a look at your banana."

"I'll hold you to that!" he answers as his patent joyful grin spread across his face.

"When we're done here, could you please drop me off at home?" Mickey demands, rolling his eyes irritatedly.

"Mickety-Mick...you're still here?" the Doctor asks startled, staring wide-eyed at his male companion.

"Blimey! You two just keep forgetting me!" With a huff he marches off towards the TARDIS, smashing the door closed behind him.

Together they settle the business with Madame the Pompadour and French history rather quickly. When Reinette approaches him again and tries to steal another kiss, he feels his head drifting off again. Everything starts getting dizzy and he looses track of time. All he can think about is pressing his lips against the French courtesan's body and his fingers itch to untie her corset.

Thankfully, Rose is at his side and when she squeezes his hand, his head clears up. The only woman he wants is right at his side so why is he thinking about kissing another one? His hearts are beating furiously and a burning sensation spreads across his chest. Yelping out in pain he starts digging through his pockets. The sonic buzzes to life and the Time Lord frowns.

"Stevonium?" he squeaks out. "Highly concentrated Stevonium?"

"What's that?" Rose asks.

"The most potent aphrodisiac in the entire universe! Where did you get that from?" he demands to know, the oncoming storm visible in his eyes.

"Uhm," Reinette gulps, averting her eyes. "He told me if I'd come between you and Rose, he'd spare my life."

"Who! Tell me!" he presses. "And don't think I'll ever allow Rose being ripped from my side!" He flashes her an infuriated glare and she backs away.

"The Moffat" she whispers fearfully.

"Ah!" His eyes turn black and his face freezes into a pale, unreadable mask. "Don't ever come close me or Rose again," he hisses and spins around on his heel, dragging Rose with him towards the TARDIS.

"Doctor! Doctor! Who is the Moffat?"

"A Time Lord, Rose! And he'll cause havoc to history if we don't stop him. But first..." He winks saucily at her, urging Rose to finish the sentence.

"...but first I'll take care of your banana!"


End file.
